


I'll Teach You

by DrawYourGunsR5



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Dirk cheats on Todd, He really needs a hug, M/M, Nightmares, Todd starts throwing stuff, Very angry boys, the prompt was things that could never happen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:48:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21648553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrawYourGunsR5/pseuds/DrawYourGunsR5
Summary: Todd sees Dirk kissing Michael and cries about it for a while. Dirk tries to make up for it by making pancakes.
Relationships: Todd Brotzman/Dirk Gently
Comments: 1
Kudos: 26





	I'll Teach You

It’s the moments that kill us. Not the events, not the big things, but the moment they happen. The moment you find out hurts worse than when you remember. The moment your heart break echoes louder and longer than the event even lasts.

The moment Todd saw Dirk kissing someone else was the moment he died.

Dirk told him that he was working late at the office, and Todd expected that he hadn’t eaten dinner. So he decided to bring him some take out.

The door was left open. That’s how these things always happen. Before he could walk in he heard Michael talking.

“What about Todd?” He asked.

Todd’s heart wrenched. He wanted to go in and find out what was happening. He couldn’t move. He was frozen.

“Todd won’t find out.” Dirk told him.

But here he was, pushing the door open only an inch further where he could see the couch.

He watched as Dirk leaned forward and kissed Michael. He watched as Michael wrapped his arms around Dirk and pulled him down to lay on top of him. He listened to Michael moan softly and Dirk began to kiss down his neck.

Todd couldn’t remember how he got home. Somehow, he was back in his apartment, on his own couch. He couldn’t bare to go in the bedroom, the one he shared with Dirk. He couldn’t sleep in the same bed that he had just slept in with Dirk. Where Dirk kissed him the same way he was kissing Michael on the floor below.

Todd collapsed onto the couch. He could feel his heart ripping apart. He wasn’t much of a crier. Tears would fall when he was upset, but he wouldn’t  _ cry.  _ The experience of ‘body shaking with each sob, nearly screaming, trying to breathe’ was never something he could relate to until tonight. He had some rough breakups before, and this isn’t his first time getting cheated on, but this is the first time his heart truly broke. He’d never been in love before. He could feel all meaning of life drain out of him. He wasn’t alive anymore.

He fell asleep on the couch. He didn’t know how long he was crying before he finally passed out. In the morning, the light from the sun rise woke him. 

His head hurt. His chest burned. His life was ending. And he hasn’t even been awake for 5 minutes.

Dirk never came home. He would have woken up Todd so they could go to bed together. Dirk always did that when Todd fell asleep on the couch.

Todd was alone. He always had been, hadn’t he? Alone and scared and Dirk was never there to protect him. Dirk was a liar. He had done nothing but lie the whole time. But Todd wasn’t any better. He was a liar, too. He was a shitty person and a shitty boyfriend. Maybe Dirk is exactly what Todd deserved.

Todd found his phone on the ground beside the couch. Nothing from Dirk. He typed out four different versions of a message before sending a short one.  _ “Where are you?” _

Less than two minutes later he got a response.  _ “Wanted to make you breakfast. No pancake mix. Went to store. Found cat. Walked her home. Made a new friend. Be home soon. Love you <3” _

It hurt. Everything hurt. How could he act like everything was normal? Like everything is fine? Nothing is fine. It never will be.

Fuck Dirk Gently.

Todd wanted to laugh. He wanted to respond with something cute about how Dirk couldn’t be trusted with breakfast, and he’d be better off just coming home to cuddle instead. But Todd didn’t want that. He couldn’t be close to Dirk.

Dirk got home shortly after the text Todd never responded to. He was still sitting on the couch, shaking with anger. With no idea what he was going to say.

“Sorry, Love. I didn’t expect to be gone so long. Are you hungry?” Dirk chimed from the kitchen as he began unloading groceries.

“You didn’t come home last night.”

“Sure I did, I slept on the couch. I was late and didn’t want to wake you.”

_ Asshole. _

“No you didn’t. I slept on the couch.”

“I slept on the couch in the office. Working late and all.”

Todd stood up and walked to the doorway into the kitchen. He felt like he was falling apart and Dirk didn’t look any different. He was even wearing the same clothes he was wearing yesterday.

An image of Michael taking off those clothes flashed in Todd’s mind. He was getting nauseous.

“You’re changing your story. So which was it? You came home late or slept in the office?”

Dirk turned around to properly face Todd and see how upset he had been. He froze for a moment, trying to analyze what was happening.

“What’s it matter where I slept? I’m here now. Pancakes? I’ll make them the way you taught me.”

Pancakes. Todd remembered that. Dirk had tried to make pancakes one morning while Todd was still asleep. Todd woke up from a nightmare and could smell something burning so he ran out to the kitchen only to find Dirk trying to clean up his mess. Dirk apologized profusely, but all Todd could do was smile. He held Dirk’s hand and said, “It’s okay. I’ll teach you.”

That was nearly a year ago. Todd remembered it so vividly because that was the day Dirk finally told Todd he had feelings for him. It was the day they started dating.

Todd wished he could forget that.

“I know you were with Michael last night.”

“Well yes, Todd. I told you I was meeting up with him to work on the case.”

Todd scoffed. “God. Do you think I’m an idiot?”

Dirk looked surprised. “What? No. I just-”

“I  _ saw  _ you with him.”

Dirk stopped. Todd watched a sliver of fear wash in and out of Dirk’s eyes. He opened his mouth to speak again but Todd stopped him.

“No. Shut up. You don’t get to talk. I went to the office last night because I knew you were working late and thought you hadn’t eaten, so I was bringing you dinner. When I got there I heard you tell him that I would never find out, and then I saw you kissing him. Guess you were wrong. I found out.”

Dirk sat down on a cold wooden chair at the table. “I’m sorry you saw that.”

“You’re  _ sorry  _ I  _ saw  _ that?!”

“Obviously I didn’t want you to find out.”

“Obviously! Fuck you. How long has this been going on?”

“About a month.”

If Todd hadn’t been nauseous before, he definitely was now. It was like he swallowed a brick. “A month! You’ve been sleeping with him for a fucking month!?”

“Well, we haven’t been  _ sleeping together.  _ Last night was the first time that we-”

_ “Oh my god!” _

Todd took a deep breath. He tried to calm himself down. His brain was spinning. He sat in the chair next to Dirk. Deflated and defeated. He buried his face in his arms on the table. “Was I not good enough?”

“What? Todd, you’re perfect. I love you more than anything.”

Todd lifted his head in disbelief. “Then  _ why  _ did you do it? You could have told me you had feelings for him. We could have figured it out. Together.”

Dirk sighed. “I just thought you wouldn’t understand.”

“If you wanted to be in an open relationship, I would have understood. I would have supported that. But by going behind my back and lying to me you ruined any chance of me ever trusting you again.” Todd shook his head. “We’re done, Dirk. I can’t be with someone I can’t trust.”

“You’re breaking up with me?”

“I have to.”

Dirk reached over to grab Todd’s hand. “I said I was sorry. Why are you doing this?”

Todd pulled his arm away from Dirk. “You’re not sorry! You said you were sorry I found out, not that you did it. You lied to me. You’re nothing but a liar and a cheater. And I should have seen this coming. All you’ve done is lie from the day we met.”

“Oh right. I forgot you’re an expert liar, too. Maybe that’s why we fell in love.”

“Fuck you!” Todd stood and began to walk back to the living room but was stopped by Dirk’s words.

“You know I’m right, Todd. We’re both terrible people. So go ahead. Break up with me. See if you can find someone who will love an asshole the way I do.”

Todd grabbed the closest throwable object and threw it at Dirk. “I changed!” He screamed. “I changed for you because you made me want to be better. I’m not the person I used to be and fuck you for thinking otherwise. Get the hell out of my apartment!”

Dirk walked closer to Todd, unphased by the broken glass beside him.

Todd swung his arm. He wasn’t sure if he was trying to hit Dirk or push him away. But Dirk grabbed Todd’s wrist, stopping him mid-air.

“I’m not leaving, Todd.”

“I don’t want you here.” Todd voice cracked.

“Yes you do.” Dirk pulled Todd closer and wrapped an arm around his waist. “You need me.”

Todd took a shaky breath. It hurt so bad. He looked up and locked eyes with Dirk. He hated him, but for some reason he still felt safe in his arms. And he hated that too. “I know,” he cried. “But I don’t- I don’t  _ want  _ to. You broke my heart.”

“I know. Give me a second chance.”

Dirk leaned down and kissed Todd softly.

Todd melted into him. His hands came up and his fingers ran through Dirk’s hair. He hated that he loved this. He hated that he wanted more.

Something changed before  _ more  _ could happen. The feeling of Dirk’s body pressed to his started to fade away like a memory. Everything was dark.

He opened his eyes, the sunlight burned. He blinked a few times and saw that he was in bed. His own bed. The bed he did not share with Dirk.

It was a dream. A nightmare of a life he wasn’t living because he wasn’t even dating Dirk.

He took a deep breath, trying to slow his heart rate down to a normal tempo. His hands were shaking. Why did that bother him so much? And what was that smell?

Todd got out of bed and followed the scent of something burning to the kitchen.

He found Dirk, scraping the contents of a pan into the trash and muttering words on anger under his breath.

“Make a mess?”

Dirk looked up at Todd with an apologetic face. “Sorry. I wanted to make you breakfast and things went a bit haywire.”

Todd chuckled. The memories of his nightmare faded as he saw dried pancake batter on Dirk’s cheek. He grabbed Dirk’s hand and pulled him back to the counter where he had all of counted supplies and ingredients scattered about.

“It’s okay. I’ll teach you.”


End file.
